I was going to post yesterday, but I chickened out. I was going post about how, for someone who feels in touch with gratitude on a regular basis, it was disappointing to not feel it to the degree I normally do on Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is like my gratitude Superbowl. It’s when we are all so in touch with all the ways in which we are blessed. But I haven’t been feeling as grateful in this past month. It sounds so taboo. I guess it’s not that I haven’t been feeling grateful, it’s just that it’s been harder counteract all that I’m not grateful for. And yesterday, I didn’t want to be a buzzkill. Or even offend anyone. So today, I wanted to share. I wanted to tell you about some experiences that have felt hard in this last month. And where I have ultimately found the gratitude.
As I sat down to write this post, I realized how often the topic of my home has come up on the blog. Or at least, that’s how it feels. Probably because I’m so intimately acquainted with it on a such a micro-physical level. It plays an integral role in my daily life and overall feeling of well-being, as I’m sure many homes do for many people, but in different ways and for different reasons.
We recently embarked on a kitchen remodel. We wanted a new kitchen not only because we love cooking and being in the kitchen (especially with Noah’s recent into foray baking bread), but because as I slowly get worse, I am becoming increasingly impatient with my limitations. I am continuing to have to increase my tolerance for frustration and, quite frankly, I’m over it. I love cooking, I love coming home from work and making dinner for my family, but as the only adult home during that time, I can’t function as efficiently as I used to. As my calf muscles melt away, it’s becoming harder to stand on my tippy toes to reach the dishes on the second shelf of the cabinet. Or as balance becomes trickier, it’s getting harder for me to walk over to the trashcan holding food waste and then press the pedal that lifts open the lid. And it’s been a while since I’ve been able to fill up a big pot with water and lift it up onto the stove by myself.